This subject is close to my heart. I’m engaged to a man with kids, and I’m getting married soon, which is why I haven’t been writing much lately. I never pictured myself dating someone with kids, let alone marrying him. I always filtered single Dads out of my online dating searches, but I probably filtered out some really great people. Life changed direction before I had time to prepare for it. Now the future feels very different from the one I once imagined.

When men have kids, you get to see who they really are by how they act as parents. I must admit, it’s attractive to see a man being a great father. But I don’t always come first in the relationship. He balances things well, but sometimes my frustration comes second to retrieving his daughter’s favorite jeans or getting the girls to school. These are things I didn’t expect when I imagined married life. Still, watching him care for his children has shown me something important about the man I love

I always wanted a relationship, a husband, kids, and a family. I just didn’t expect to inherit an instant family. I thought it would be a slow process of creating one, but life has a way of laughing at what we expect. What surprised me most was how welcoming my soon-to-be stepdaughters have been. They seem to like me and are happy to have me in their lives. I’m not the evil stepmom, and they don’t expect their parents to get back together.

Dating someone with kids is tricky, as rewarding as it is hard. I still feel like I’m getting my sea legs, but I feel lucky, grateful, and extremely happy with my new instant life. If you are open to it, you shouldn’t be afraid. Seeing my fiancé as a great Dad made it easy to fall in love with him. Maybe that is what went wrong before—I only saw men’s dating behavior, not the real people underneath. I’m grateful for the unexpected, so keep watch for it.